Grand Teton Editor Note: In this month's focus on physical fitness, we also want to make the point that mental alertness is very important. To that end, use this skit to point out just how smart your Pack is.

Before he tells the story, the narrator divides the audience into 5 groups and assigns each a “part” - a sound and action each group makes at the mention of a certain word. The narrator pauses after each capitalized word. The words and their responses are:

Characters:

Norman - Say “Oh, my!” and raise both hands

Right - Say “This!” and raise right hand

Left - Say “That!” and raise left hand

This - Say “Right!” and raise Right hand

That - Say “Left!” and raise Left hand

Genius - All clap and Cheer!

Well, now that everyone is entirely confused, let’s begin!

THISis the story of NORMAN, a boy who wanted very much to be a GENIUS. But, no matter how hard he tried, it just didn’t work out. You see, NORMANhad a problem - he could not tell RIGHTfrom LEFT.

At school, the teacher would say, “When you know the answer, raise your RIGHThand.” By the time NORMANfigured which hand was which, it was too late! At home it was the same thing. It was, “NORMAN, you have your LEFTshoe on your RIGHTfoot.”

Things weren’t any better outside. In football, they would send him in at LEFTend and he would be RIGHT. In baseball, they’d yell, “NORMAN, ‘move to your LEFT!” He’d move RIGHT.

Poor NORMAN! No matter what he did, it wasn’t RIGHT! or LEFT! But NORMANwas determined! Finally, he figured out what to do. He’d call it THISand THAT. THISfor RIGHTand THATfor LEFT. Somehow, it all seemed easier. And in no time, he had it down pat.

One day, while NORMANwas home alone, a burglar forced his way in. NORMANwas fRIGHTened! The burglar asked where his mother’s jewels and furs were. NORMANsaid, “In the closet.” But when the burglar said, “Which way is THAT, NORMAN, of course answered, “LEFT.” The burglar followed these instructions and found himself in the kitchen! Being a smart burglar he said, “THISisn’t RIGHT!” and NORMANsaid, “Oh, yes it is - but your asked for THAT!”

The burglar became angry and said, “Now listen, I asked where the closet is, do you understand THAT?” And NORMANanswered, “Oh, yes, THATis LEFT!” The burglar said, “THISis enough!” And NORMANsaid, “Oh, no, THISis RIGHT!” Exasperated, the burglar said, “Oh, forget it! Just tell me where the closet is!” And NORMANsaid, “Turn THIS.” But naturally, the burglar misunderstood and turned the knob on the door in front of him, and plunged headlong down the basement stairs.

Just then, NORMAN’s parents came home, and when he told them what had happened, his father said the words he’d been waiting so very long to hear, “NORMAN, you’re a GENIUS”

Now it happened that there was a mining camp in Colorado where more than an average number of the miners were bald. An enterprising hair tonic salesman from Kentucky decided to take advantage of this golden opportunity, so he made the trip north. It was a rainy summer evening.

The salesman was headed towards the mining camp with four bottles of hair tonic under his arm.  As he was crossing one of the trout streams, which lead to the Arkansas River, the salesman slipped and dropped two bottles of hair tonic into the water. The bottles broke, and the hair tonic spilled into the stream.

Not too long after this incident, the fishermen along the Arkansas developed a new method for catching trout.  They’d head to the bank of the river carrying a red and white barber pole and some scissors. Then they would set up the barber pole and call out: “Get your free shave and a hair cut here.”

All the trout whose fur had grown too long or who needed their beards trimmed would hop right out of the water and be picked up by the fishermen. 

It wasn’t until the mills began muddying the waters so much that the fish couldn’t see the barber poles that the practice died out.